How could we be prepared for the rawness of motherhood– the moments of realizing you’re in charge of these little humans– the fear of never knowing if you’re doing enough. The times when they sit on your lap and hug you for no reason, and you wish you could just stop the time…. And then the times during the week, when you feel like you’re going to lose you’re mind, and you’re certain a real adult should probably show up and take over… I always expected motherhood would be easier, that it would flow down the path I planned; but the truth is it’s unpredictable, messy, and honestly, the best experience of my life.
I’m honored to be in the tribe of motherhood with my friends and family– sometimes deep in the trenches, and other times, beaming on the top of a mountain, with a fly rod in my hand. 😉
This last year I have been blog failing, but life has been good. I’ve helped develop The Mayfly Project with my good friends Jess&Laura Westbrook (recently won the Orvis Breaking Barriers Award for TMP), been published in some bigger magazines, and become a homeschool mom/teacher/dyslexia expert. Some of you have messaged me, wondering if I’m even still fishing, and I appreciate that encouragement!!
For a while, I felt selfish fishing, trying to figure out how to balance it all (and I didn’t have my good friend, Meagan Newberry to invite me out every weekend). I quickly realized that if I didn’t get out on the river and find time to explore, I wouldn’t last homeschooling, or in life. Sure, things get a bit awkward when I’m calling around during our lunch break, trying to find a ride on a boat– but when I get out on that boat, I get to just think about fishing for a bit instead of being the multitasking mother/teacher/mentor and it really makes me more present during the weeks to come, (minus the time I spend looking at my catches)….
I’m a strange fish mom, I know that, especially when I’m leaving to go fish for the day on a weekend and my son asks me where I’m going and I say to work (which is true, I need material), but I’m not going to try to fit in to what other’s feel is a “good mother” when I know I’m strange for good reason. I think we have been given tools around us to help us survive the difficult phases– for me it’s fishing, for you, it could be taking care of your lawn. Sure my kids may hate the outdoors because their strange mom hauled them there every week, but hopefully in counseling they will also say she was passionate and she made time to do what she loved. I hope my children grow up with passion and the ability to realize sometimes their strange quirks can be their life-rafts.
My daughter told me the other day that when she thinks about me, she thinks about the word ‘brave’. This was the best mothers’ day gift– because I hope that she is fearless, brave, and able to rise above any sort of barrier in her way– that when people say she should fit into some sort of box, she will feel confident doing her own thing. I’m so honored to be her mother. And I’m honored to have a mother that taught me when things get tough, you just keep moving– it’s ok to cry, but then you pick yourself up and you take care of business! Love you mom!
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you women out there who take care of others and pour your hearts out into your little ones. Be your strange selves, enjoy life, and fish on!
P.S. I do think I smiled almost as big as when I met my children for the first time with this fish…almost. 😉 P.S.S. I totally man-handled this fish because I couldn’t figure out how to hold it.#stillawkward And I never would have caught it without my buddy, Matt’s help, and my friend Danielle who went stalking these fish with me for weeks! Matt said he’s never heard anyone scream so loud over a fish. hahaha
Please check out The Mayfly Project’s One Fly Event, all proceeds go to support children in foster care getting out fly fishing! And I wanted to thank Brandon Moon from Moonlit Fly Fishing, for donating a fly rod to be auctioned off for my daughter’s testing. Check them out!! Cheers!