Me: “I need to confess …I flat out cried while watching Planes 2 at the theater with my kids the other day. It wasn’t when we thought Dusty had died, or even when he could no longer race (feelings I know all too well and one would think this was the tear-culprit).”
(Pause, waiting to decide if I want to share this with my best friend…Followed by a fake cough- I don’t know why)
“It was during the part where the fire fighting planes are getting geared up and psyched to go fight their first fire. The team flew in the sky as AC/DC’s song, ‘THUNDERSTRUCK’, blared through the speakers”.
Friend: “Your kidding me?”
Thinking she was going to laugh…I respond, “Not even kidding- AC/DC made me cry and I think I have a head problem”.
Friend: “Ok well….I was never going to tell ANYONE this….but I cried at the same dang part! What is our problem?”
We laugh. We analyze. We laugh some more. We chalk it up to the need for an adventure- but not the kind of adventure of taking 3 kids to the cinema; although, that is almost just as terrifying as flying to put out wildfires…
[But to us seasoned moms, if a kid yells “He’s DEAD” over and over at the top of his lungs during the quiet moment of the movie, when some kids are crying because they think the main character has crashed and died, its not that big of a deal. He also yelled- ‘whats happening’ almost the whole time- sorry other kids watching and sorry for the popcorn that was also thrown on you and for the cinema toddler troll running up and down the isle- at least we were in the back right?]
Adventure huh. Let me dig deeper…So there I sat listening to AC/DC, crying and shoveling popcorn in my face to try to fill up the beckoning call of a true, hard core adventure- the kind where you are taking a risk, putting aside general comfort, and unsure even if you can handle it- the kind where you generally end up talking to God to ask for the guts to keep going. With true adventure you know for certain there will be excitement and you will return with new perspectives and thoughts about yourself and life. For moms/dads, this need for adventure could also be a form of identity crisis/avoidance of crisis by being able to say, “I still got this” or “Im still capable”. Or some of us just eat popcorn to shove the feeling down deep until the next fishing day…
The tears make me think about myself, and I realize I’m really immature. Like a teenager, I don’t enjoy being set in one category or delegated to a certain amount of roles- yes, I love the roles I am in, (sourdough rolls are my favorite), but I enjoy shocking myself out of them at times- instead of being defined in a role, for a moment, I like to just be free or without a direction. I guess that’s why I love walking in rivers while packing a baby on my back, or jumping into the ocean at midnight with a dress on. I’m not unsatisfied, I just need to be weird every once in a while, like a teenager.
I also know that sometimes the adventure is walking up to the lady crying in the market and just talking, without trying to show her who I am, just to be a stranger who is caring at the moment. I guess it is going ‘against the grain’ or fighting the general mechanical way our culture moves (or defines moms) that makes me know I am a free agent here, and that I am not just doing life the way people are telling me to.
I’m going to get on a pedestal now and pretend that I am a lecturing at a fancy hall of some sort and say (see, I centered it and italicized with purpose):
“I want you to know that…that life doesn’t have to be so mechanical and predictable- most of the fun is in the adventure, which can be daily- like taking risks of talking to or loving people, or climbing a tree on your lunch break, or sharing the poem you have been working on, or (like I saw this morning), dancing like a wild woman by yourself on your way to school…
Adventure beckons- its the deep seeded call for us to move, challenge ourselves, grow, and ultimately to get outside of our own preconceived ideas about the world or our own limits.”
So maybe I cry at strange times- it signals me that I need to be doing more to fire up that call within me. Or it could just be that maybe I need to play AC/DC’s songs while I am folding my laundry…this is my adventure for the moment- I’m going to be the boss over this laundry pile and feel good about myself for conquering it. Oh Yeah.
The pictures above are from one of my trips to Alaska- the yellow Beaver plane actually does make my best friend cry because she grew up on it….Well and with that, I have an announcement:
WE ARE GOING BACK TO ALASKA NEXT SUMMER!!
And we want all ladies who want to experience Alaska, find some adventure and learn to fly fish, to come with us! Details to follow….Its going to be the adventure of a lifetime! Come with me- let’s go exploring!