The Objectification of Trout- From Larry

2ab67c41b99179dc3fe2d975cbe64e99Larry here. Im a rainbow trout- or “HE’S A GOOD SIZE!” is what you people call me.

I’m making contact with you filthy animals.

I am working with the Trout Limited Services, and the Department of Fish and Shame, to stop the objectification of gill-type species around the world.

We are used, abused, and embarrassed to be the center of your haughty, sporty, self-superiorateing pictures.

People use our majestic scales and beefy bods for Fishbook, Finterst, and Instaslime- without regard for our emotional state.

Why do you think we are swimming away from you?

We are ashamed. You tricked us with your fake, distasteful flies and now you want to parade us to the world as if we are something YOU created?

I got a fishmail from my uncle Rico in Alaska, calling me a ‘sucker fish’ after he saw that I was caught by a 8 year old human. The parents were jumping around me clapping, like their kid had won the Olympics.


Your kid isn’t special because of my poor decision to find satiation in a wiggling worm.

I didn’t appreciate being the center of your photo shoot, while the kid swung me around by the line like a ride at the circus.

My buddies call me ‘circus freak’ now, because of your hoity-toity decision to objectify me.

(Kids are no doubt the scariest form of humanoids).

My buddy, Browny, won’t leave his rock after his experience with an I-phin 5 and a lady who kissed him with unrelenting lips for her camera. She didn’t even ask for his number- just kissed and kissed and kissed and snapped away without reserve. Now he only eats sea weed and swims in peculiar circles if he sees a flash of light. Poor Browny.

1512352_10203142664238918_1251596561564348600_nThe worst part of it all is now our teenagers are falling for the ‘photo craze’: they see a human and swim right to them to see who can get their fin on something they call the “World Wide Webbed”.

1909458_538448962948738_8381785190254258255_oThis is my friend, Brook. She is stuck looking like this:98k We can’t get her to tone down her expression that started when she became the object of someone’s vacation documentation. (Its ok to laugh, I sometimes do when I run into her).

So you, on your knees in the water and your fly rod perched on your shoulder like you don’t have anywhere else to put it…Congratulations, you tricked at trout! Sarcasm.

But from now on, when you look into our eyes you will see that if we could slap you, we would. I would rather be eaten then objectified!

This is Larry, over and out…and away from you smelly imbeciles.big-eye-rainbow-trout-t-shirt-choiceshirts-1


Headed to North Idaho to fish with pack goats and see some of my favorite people and rivers! Some awkward stories are in the future. Have a great weekend!

~Mamma Fly Box


7 thoughts on “The Objectification of Trout- From Larry

  1. Pingback: The Real “Thumb Up Thursday”…………… | Pond Stalker Blog

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